Over the past few weeks I have had so many ideas, questions,
comments and stories fill my mind but no time to actually sit down and pour
them out! However, tonight is the
night. Tonight I put off my homework for
just a little bit longer and leave my phone in the other room so that I can
rummage through some of this chaos bouncing around in my brain dying to stick
to something a little more concrete.
I find that my thoughts look a lot clearer outside of my
brain and on paper (or computer screen) because I am able to step back and actually
read them from a more objective perspective.
I am able to think, “Wow, that sounds stupid..” or “Okay, Cassidy, you
might be over reacting…” When something
traumatic happens, I find that the best thing to do is to let your thoughts
escape your brain so that they no longer torment you; they no longer run the
show and you are able to dance freely in open space again.
Recently, my thoughts have been my own worst enemy. I have woken up hours before I should have
and just laid in my bed letting my mind run away from me. Sometimes, I do believe this is healthy and
that our minds deserve a little break but too often do I get trapped in a web
of false beliefs and made up realities.
I remember thinking how wonderful it would be to just live in my mind
and be able to make up the world around me as I went, but that was a long time
ago before I knew just how cruel the mind can be. If I ate poison, I would get sick and
eventually die. This is how I see the
mind- once we fill it with a little poison, it can spread and eventually take
over your entire being. I am realizing
the importance of “taking thoughts captive” now, and just how hard it is to
train the mind against what it has always been able to do.
Thank God for answering when we cry out to Him, though! I asked Him to help me not let my mind run
away and to purify my thoughts and let me tell you… when the Lord provides, He
provides and then some. I still wake up
super early, but instead of laying there I make myself some breakfast and sit
in my “productive” chair and talk to Him.
I used to make this a priority
all the time but as do most things when one gets busy, it got pushed
aside. Anyways, I sit in my chair and I
“have coffee with God.” I cannot tell
you how many “coffee dates” I have been on since moving to Nashville. My goodness we are the red-light district for
coffee! So often do I sit for 30 min to an hour with a friend and catch
up. Coffee dates are fun because there
is not expectation to have a whole night planned or spending alot of money or
even wondering if it is a “real date.”
It’s comfortable. I realized that
I have had coffee with just about everyone but the One person with whom I feel
the most comfortable and who needs to be caught up on a lot, God.
So, every morning God and I have a coffee date and when my
mind trails off I try to bring it back by doing what Nouwen suggests in Life of
the Beloved, repeating St. Francis’s prayer or a Psalm or even the Lord’s
supper.
This post has gone so far from what I was expecting but that
is the beauty of letting your thoughts escape because only when I free them do
I understand what they actually wanted to say.
