When in fear, ICE SKATE

Yesterday, ISIS released a new propaganda video threatening New York City.  Scenes of a man strapping a bomb to himself amidst flashes of Times Square and other crowded streets were in the clip, making us the second city to be "targeted" in the United States, behind D.C.  As my roommate and I watched the video, a rush of fear and anger took over my body. I could feel my face losing a little color as I noticed familiar street scenes not far from our apartment.  "It was only a matter of time," I thought, with the realization that I was no longer living in my safe small town finally settling in.  News anchors moved quickly, explaining possible risks, actions being taken to make the city more secure. Scenes from the aftermath of the Paris attacks this past weekend kept flooding the screen and eventually it all got to be too much.  I had to clear my head and remember truth in the midst of all these facts.

We live in a fallen world.
 "...the enemy comes only to steal and kill and destroy," but Jesus came "...that [we] might have life, and have it to the full."  (John 10:10)

I was tempted to let the fear get comfortable inside of me. It would have been easy to stay on the couch and watch the news all night, filling my head with worry and my heart with doubt.  Isn't that what the enemy wants to happen?  To paralyze with fear and keep us from hoping or noticing good? To keep us inside, too scared to go out and live? This just fired me up.  I serve the God of the universe and he has already overcome this world. (16:33) I have no fear because LOVE casts it out and when I remain in love, I remain free from the chains of this world.

So you know what I decided to do instead? Ice skate.

The Rockefeller Ice Skating Rink just opened last month and I won't be here for the official tree lighting, so it seemed like the absolute best time to do it.  Plus, it was the last day before the official "season," so it was less expensive and there were little to no people! (It was also 10:30pm at night...) Thankfully, my friends are just as spontaneous as I am so a few of us met up and skated until they kicked us off the rink.  It was amazing.  There is something about taking hold of fear and saying "Yes, I see you but you're not going to keep me from living a full life." Afterwards we were sore and a little sweaty, but we felt alive...


I'd say we handled the news pretty well.

DOC NYC

The other day I had one of those experiences where I felt like my soul was fed the food it had been craving.  I attended the "First Time Filmmakers Day" of DOC NYC at the IFC Center and let me tell you... I am pumped for where life is heading.  I've had an idea for a documentary floating in my brain for a little bit now, so when I found out about DOC NYC I knew I had to attend.  The directors, producers, speakers and community at the event were overwhelmingly supportive and passionate about creating non-fiction films.  "I hope you're not in this for the money," one of the directors told me after I mentioned my interest in pursuing documentary filmmaking.  "These are passion projects."  I loved that phrase, "passion project." That's what I want to create and I finally figured out how to tell stories I've been wanting to share.

Now, on to learning the ins and outs of this industry... 

Storyline Conference

This past weekend I flew to Chicago to join my parents and my boyfriend for a conference called, "Storyline."  The man behind the whole thing, Donald Miller, has been one of my favorite authors since high school with his books, Blue Like Jazz and Searching for God Knows What, Scary Close, and others.  I remember becoming a Christian and reading his book thinking, "Woah, Christians can also be "cool!?" In other words, I thought he was a total badass for cussing in his books and his raw stories actually led me to pursue writing my own in a similar manner.  When I was a freshmen in college at Belmont University, they actually started filming a movie based on Blue Like Jazz  and my friends and I got to be a part of it. (They cut out my one mermaid scene, but I'm over it) Anyways, Donald Miller's has one way or another been like an old friend to me. 

At the conference, I had the incredible privilege of listening to stories told by creators, counselors, writers, and more.  Each person had something they were passionate about and if there is one thing that I learned from every single one it is that "Life is a process." In other words, each story consisted of a journey that the speaker had taken or the different routes they found to pursue their passions.  Sometimes they did not even know what they were doing but they trusted in God's provision, who seemed to correct their steps along the way.  I learned that to be human is to experience valleys and pain and to get better you have to walkthrough those places, hopefully alongside other faithful warriors.  To be passive and reactive to life is to miss the opportunity to co-create something wonderful with God.  I don't want to enter the pearly gates and Him ask me, "Why were you so afraid to even try? Didn't you know I will always be with you?" Instead, I want Him to exclaim with joy, "Good job! My good and faithful servant!!"  

I've become far too passive for my taste, but still acknowledging that sometimes God has us in seasons of waiting, filling up and listening before jumping the gun without having a reason.  Bob Goff recently posted, "It's easy to confuse a lot of activity with a purposeful life. Get some rest." I think I tend to confuse busyness with purpose, when in actuality, my busyness more often blinds me from the purpose of my actions all together.  

The night I got back from the whole weekend I slept for a solid 12 HOURS. My body did not do a whole lot of physical activity but my mind and heart were exhausted.  I don't think I will digest the rich food offered to me this weekend for a while, but until then I will enjoy and walk through the process. 

Memory Keeping

I can't tell you how many times I have sat in front of a computer screen, stretched out my neck on either side, rested my hands on the keys... and froze.  Days, weeks, even months of experiences piled up inside my head yet I haven't been able to complete an entire thought about them before getting frustrated and moving on.  I've kept these moments inside my mind hoping they will stay fresh there forever until I can give them a proper introduction and conclusion. Instead, however, I have locked them up with barely any room to breathe. Writing is such a catharsis for me and I hold a firm belief in the beauty and power of memory-keeping. How can we (and others, if we allow) witness growth, maturity or God's hand in our lives if we are not sharing it?  Even the slightest gesture of a journal or note can make a difference.  With this, I am committing to recording more memories and stories.  There can never be too many out there, you know.