Fresh Start

I was discovering old journals all over my room and wanted to laugh at just how many I had.  I got a new computer for Christmas and realized how much easier and convenient it would be to start a journal/blog on here!  It never occurred to me how much I enjoy journals and reading through them later-  I especially like reading my old prayer journals and seeing how God has worked throughout my life.  Some of my prayers are ridiculous and selfish but the way He answers them are amazing.  No matter what the circumstance He always comes through and takes care of me better than I could have imagined.  I forget how in control the Lord is and find myself doubting His plans, I'm sure we all fall into that trap, but looking back on it I can see just how omnipotent He is.  I've attended a small Christian school since I was in the 3rd grade and growing up in that environment caused me to become numb to not only some of the teachings in the Bible but also the key verses.  Since I had memory verses and needed to know things for tests and quizzes, the Bible became more of a textbook than a guide for life.  I never realized that I had fallen into this until the beginning of my sophomore year.  After falling so low my freshman year, God brought me back up stronger than ever and now I thank Him everyday for making me go through those dark times.  At the start of my sophomore year I realized that I was living for nothing.  I didn't like the who I had become and wanted something more so I looked around me and tried to get away from the things that were bringing me down.  To begin with, I didn't believe my friendships with those people were what they were supposed to be, so I decided to break away to find whatever it was I was looking for. Do you ever have the feeling that everything in your life is a fraud? Or you just DON'T fit in with the people around you?  I had that exact feeling and couldn't shake it... no matter how hard I tried to push it aside.  It's like God was pulling me away from everything I knew and trying to show me something else... Although I had to go through a lot of it alone, I did have one friend who was in the same place as myself.  I am still amazed that the Lord blessed me with such a friendship as hers!  We spent a lot of that year just the two of us but I would have chosen that over hanging out with a bunch of people who could have cared less that I was there any day! It's incredible at how many positive doors opened after I closed a few negative ones.-The Lord ALWAYS takes care of us- It was the first time that I had completely surrendered everything to Him and let myself be His clay.  I began to change.  My wants and love began to change into His wants and love and it's the greatest transformation to ever be apart of.  I am no where near perfect or completed in Him and never will be but I am slowly growing stronger according to His will.  It's amazing the difference between His love and our lowly self-centered love.  Though we will never be able to truly experience what His love is like until we are completed in heaven, to be able to have the slightest bit of it can change our whole outlook on life.  Once we begin to try and see things the way He sees them, everything begins to look more beautiful than before.  I find myself enjoying people who before would just annoy me because now I have a glimpse of what they look like through Christ's eyes and to Him they are a perfect masterpiece.  The greatest thing about being the Lord's child is that there is no pressure to be perfect.  I am a filthy uncontrollable sinner but because of God's grace, I am saved and therefore don't have to lash myself every time I do something wrong. Thank the Lord I am not in control!