Home

So... you could say that I have been homesick.  Not necessarily unhappy with my choice of school but rather sick of not feeling "at home." I never thought I would be as pathetic as I have been and realized this past weekend that what I miss the most is family.  I miss my own immediate family as well as the family I had back in Memphis and that community I grew to know.  I am adjusting here, of course, but part of me is in rebellion against the idea of making Nashville my new home.  I cannot believe it's already been about 3 months.  This city grows on me more and more each day but so does the desire to be surrounded by people that know my past and accept my present.  They do not tell you how difficult adjusting to new surroundings is when they prepare you for college.  They leave out the part where you are taken away from everything you are comfortable with and thrown into the world to start all over again.  Granted, some go to familiar places with quite a few familiar faces, but the overall adjustment to living YOUR life is still hard to swallow.  The only constant in my life is Christ and it is in Him that I find the slightest bit of peace during a lonesome day.  My quiet times have become priority and I know they should have always been priority but it is in college I have learned the true importance of being still.  We need that time with God to fill up before or after a long day of draining out everything we know.  This semester is draining me more than anything simply because I am constantly "selling" myself to each person I meet and putting effort into new friendships formed.  Between that, classes and every extra thing we have planned I need even just half an hour of quietness to calm my spirit and feed my soul.  If we don't reassure ourselves of what we know and who we are in Christ, we can lose ourselves so easily in the hustle and bustle of trying to adjust.  I have learned how to be at peace with where I am, slowly but surely with God's help, and I have realized that things such as making friends does not need to stress me out.  As long as we focus on living for Christ and being all WE are, than don't you think He will take care of placing people in our lives?  I know this is true already with some of the relationships I have formed already.  Each person is a beautiful example of love to me whether they know it or not and it is amazing to see just how creative God is with his placement of people in my life.  He is the God of everything and everyone.  We cannot escape Him nor push Him aside because He knows our every thought.  Creepy?  Not at all. If anything I am in awe because I know my thoughts and to think I am still saved despite my sinful mind is amazing.
   I have no idea what is in store for my life next year or even tomorrow, but I do know that I am alive and in Nashville, Tennessee today.  I am here for a purpose whether I "feel" good about it or not and it is with this knowledge that I am able to handle being away from my "home." Someone reminded me this morning that homesickness is a picture of how Christians should feel even about living here on earth.  This is not our home because we are meant to live with our Father in Heaven.  We are separated from our family but have the hope of returning to His arms once and for all.  That comforts me more than anything.