"Home is wherever I'm with you"

It's weird coming back to Memphis.  It feels like home yet so does my little dorm room back in Nashville.  I have missed the familiar places here and never thought I would ever get to the day that I could look around and be okay with not living here permanently.  Before I went to college and even through my first semester I was bound and determined to call Memphis my only "home." I just knew that anywhere else I went would be fun for a while but never as comfortable as the real place I grew up.  Of course, the place you lived the majority of your life will always hold some significance but to tell you the truth, it doesn't have such a tight hold on me now.  I have finally been away for long enough to experience other things and call them familiar - and I now understand that "home" does not always have to be a place but also people.  I think I have been fine away for so long because my family has come to visit and it's being with them that makes me feel at home more so than being in Memphis.  I never distinguished it before! Home is not specifically a location.

I love trying new things, but once I find something I like - I am hooked and don't want anything else.  I also hold dearly things with sentimental value.  I am not a hoarder, but borderline too attached to some particular items.  For example, the Elmo doll my dad got me when I was a baby still sits on my bed and to this day I think it would be the first item I'd grab if the house was burning down.  It pains me to think of losing it and I almost did once when I was little at a restaurant and my parents had to call the manager and get it back.  That little guy has been through dozens of pets, pre-k classes, car rides and so on.  In other words, because I have been through so much with it, I can't imagine leaving it behind.  That is true with so many things like specific places here in Memphis.  I have had such wonderful experiences as well as hard times here that I wanted to hold onto them forever because it's what felt most comfortable.  It was my safe place.

Thank goodness my parents refused to let me stay in Memphis for college because I would have never left!  I would have quietly made my own little bubble and not let anything or anyone else that would try to change my ways in.  Locked and secure would my world have been and I would have loved it.  But I am a firm believer in God's roadblocks and sweeping me off to Nashville was one of them.  No matter how hard I kicked and screamed He did not let me have my way.

Going off to college seemed fun to talk about but once the day came I was terrified.  I had to do what? Make a new life?  No, thank you. I didn't want to be challenged.  I was perfectly fine with my life as it was,  peaceful and with my family. Leaving felt like something had been ripped from me and I felt like every goodbye was the end of the world until one day it all changed.  I swear it was not one particular thing or moment, but I do remember realizing that I had not been back to Memphis in over 7 weeks and it did not bother me.  I was excited to go back but I was not miserable.  I had made a new home.

My new home is a place that I feel more than blessed to be.  I have never been surrounded by more talented and passionate people in my life.  When I look around we all seem to be working towards something.  I was telling a friend this the other day that I do not feel like anyone close to me is just floating through life.  They are all passionate about different things and going hard after them in their own way.  Each person is authentic and not too concerned about what others are thinking of them.  We are all so different and it makes me happy.  Yeah, we have a middle ground that we all kind of meet on but each person is so quirky that it'd be hard to all be the same - and SO boring!  Uniqueness is beautiful and a lot less competitive hah When I walk out my door I feel at ease because I don't feel the need to prove myself but rather just be myself.  It's easy to do that when others are doing it, too.  Instead of looking around to see who's at the same pace as me I look forward to the finish and enjoy what God's got planned just for me.