"Here's lookin at you, kid"

Well, I decided to go home to Memphis for a few days and relax before the craziness that is life at school starts up again.  My family likes to go see movies together and since I am on this new "watch all movies" kick I was excited to add another film to my box. We saw the new one called, Crazy, Stupid, Love with Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore and Emma Stone. Now, although I thought it was great and found myself tearing up almost the entire time, I can't help but notice the vast difference between that film and the other one I just watched, Chariots of Fire.

Yes, I know its old, a classic and a "must see for Christians" but somehow I have managed to go 19 years without watching it and quite frankly, I am a little perturbed by that!  The best word I can think of to describe it is innocent.  Maybe it's the religious factor that makes it different because we all know Christian productions have their own sort of vibe which is neither good not bad just... different.  Perhaps, because Christians are different from the world in an "In it but not of it" sort of way.  I am blabbing now and making no sense so let me just get to the point of why I addressed the difference.  The majority of our movies are shallow and weak now.  It's as if we are running out of ideas and instead of waiting for a film that moves us, we just make a sequel to an already poor one.  Of course there are exceptions but they are few and far between. Where is the good'ol Samaritan protagonist that falls in love and makes the world a better place?  Give me Humphrey Bogart for crying out loud, not another movie with a girl working on a car with a mysterious wind blowing her hair and shorts that HAVE to give her a wedgie. Give me the love of a strong family and a marriage that lasts.  I know films are dramatic representations of reality but do we have to enhance the negative and make it seem normal all the time?  

You can also tell how different our world is now compared to the past by noticing the complexity of our movies.  Not only do we have to have a love story, but it needs to be during an alien invasion that happens to be at the same time as the end of the world where dinosaurs attack and Shia Lebouf transforms into your sister.  Okay, that was a little dramatic but you get the point.  We get bored with movies like Chariots of Fire and Sabrina now because life is more complicated than that... right?  I don't think it has to be.  Why can't we just choose one thing that makes us happy and pursue it hardcore.  Why can't we just do what makes us feel on top of the world and not look back? I am sick of these miserable states people seem to be in all the time... Find your passion and don't worry about the rest! FEEL something, you know?  Go get that soulmate or fight for that trophy.  Hey, lets all be good with life once we find love and live happily ever after, right?  Fade to black.  Hah it sounds so simple yet impossible-  especially since I personally am probably one of the most indecisive people on this planet.  I love everything therefore I complicate everything.  

I firmly believe Satan uses busyness as one of his main tactics with me... He wants me to not have time to do anything else but get worked up and not trust God.  I think he's making the world a little more complicated too so we don't have time to focus on what really matters.  We don't have time for peace. Isn't that scary?  We can't even handle awkward silences anymore and we fear being without our cellphones in our hands.   I can only imagine what Humphrey would have done if he had to text in order to save get the girl... probably would have laughed in our faces.  

I don't know where I am going with any of this but hey, do I ever?  Hope you feel something today ;)

Have you seen ________?

Recently, I feel as if every person I come into contact with has asked me, "Hey, have you seen _____ movie?" And about 90% of the time I have to reply with, "No, I haven't."

Now, this is becoming a problem and I realize that my chosen profession also calls for a more educated movie goer.

So...      I have been watching movies.            Lots of them.


Of course, being the novice that I am, I decided to start with the American Film Institutes top 100 but sadly not too many of the top ones are available instantly on Netflix. OH MY GOSH I KNOW how dare I have to wait to watch a movie or actually go out and get it!?  The horror!

So after watching the ones that were on instant and then asking friends for some others, my library's getting loaded already.  S ome of the movies I have seen recently include The Graduate, The Royal Tenenbaums, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and 2001: A Space Odyssey.  (Okay, I didn't get to the end of the last one but I'll get around to it.... eventually...)


I know you are probably wondering how I got along without seeing some of these films and let me tell you, I ask myself that question as well.  But have no fear!  I plan to fill my head with Wes Anderson films, Citizen Kane and maybe even get around to the Godfather... hopefully.

My fellow actors would kill me if they heard me talk like this... but let's be honest, I will probably enjoy these films more now than I would have before! BAM. Justification. Done. 

I've been human

Recently, I have found myself in a constant state of ... "Is this what I am supposed to be doing?"  (Not because I am eating food without paying for it at a grocery store..) but because I think I am in a "be patient" zone.  As if God is being a little quiet and we are just walking together rather than taking sharp turns.

This summer has been interesting with the wide variety of trips including Bonnaroo, Younglife camp, Florida, Jackson, Miss. and drives from Memphis to Nashville etc.  Most of the trips happened early on so I decided to take an acting class in Nashville and live here the rest of the summer.  Of course,  I did not realize how much time that would leave me to myself.  My mom knows exactly when I've had too much time to think because she ends up getting a call that includes me questioning life and being dramatic about nothing.  It usually just takes hanging out with friends and being busy again for me to calm down and realize everything is going to be okay.  

With that being said, I find myself constantly in a state of "What do I do next?" and asking God every five seconds to reveal His plan or make a big wave for me to understand exactly where I am supposed to be.  It only occurred to me after a frustrating breakdown in the car and a more than helpful dear friend to realize that I need to stop constantly asking God to do things and instead ask Him what I can do.  It changes things completely when we swing things around and place the service back in the right direction.  What I also realize is that I had been looking everywhere for a "Eureka" moment from God rather than being still and counting the blessings already around me that were so obvious.  I had been so preoccupied by asking Him for direction that I was ignoring His whispers already pointing me in the right direction.  

I freak out.  Why? Because I am human.  My friend tells me that when she is overworked about something her mom does not yell at her but simply tells her that it just means she's human.  I love that statement now because it helps ease the pressure off of being perfect.  It helps remind me that I am sinful and if I was not sinful I wouldn't even need Jesus.  If I was the perfect Christian and preached the Gospel all the time and did not mess up than what kind of example of Grace would I be?  How can God be strong in me if I am never weak? That has been encouraging the past few weeks and I hope it encourages you as well.  

I got a new devotional book and the first study is about Mary's quiet trust.  It directed me to Luke 1:46-55 which is her song and could humble anyone because if there's one person who trusted God and His plan fully, it was Mary.  

"My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in my Savior, for He has been mindful of the humble state of His servant.  From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me- holy is His name.  His mercy extends to those who fear Him, from generation to generation.  He has performed mighty deeds with His arm; He has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.  He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble.  He has filled the hungry with good things but he has sent the rich away empty. He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful to Abraham and his descendants forever, even as He said to our fathers." 

I have been straying and not trusting.  I've been worrying and unfaithful.  I've been human.




--- I saw Jon Acuff speak at a church here in Nashville and of course, it was one of those sermons where God was like, "Calm down I am going to speak to you through Him."  He talked about our dreams and figuring them out and how that looks from a Christian perspective.  What was even more awesome was that the worship band played the Mumford and Sons song, "Roll Away Your Stone" afterwards (WHAT?)  and of course I cried because 1) I am ridiculous and 2) I am working on emotional life in acting class... haha but heres both the video of that sermon and the lyrics to that song... I HIGHLY recommend both!!