I've been human

Recently, I have found myself in a constant state of ... "Is this what I am supposed to be doing?"  (Not because I am eating food without paying for it at a grocery store..) but because I think I am in a "be patient" zone.  As if God is being a little quiet and we are just walking together rather than taking sharp turns.

This summer has been interesting with the wide variety of trips including Bonnaroo, Younglife camp, Florida, Jackson, Miss. and drives from Memphis to Nashville etc.  Most of the trips happened early on so I decided to take an acting class in Nashville and live here the rest of the summer.  Of course,  I did not realize how much time that would leave me to myself.  My mom knows exactly when I've had too much time to think because she ends up getting a call that includes me questioning life and being dramatic about nothing.  It usually just takes hanging out with friends and being busy again for me to calm down and realize everything is going to be okay.  

With that being said, I find myself constantly in a state of "What do I do next?" and asking God every five seconds to reveal His plan or make a big wave for me to understand exactly where I am supposed to be.  It only occurred to me after a frustrating breakdown in the car and a more than helpful dear friend to realize that I need to stop constantly asking God to do things and instead ask Him what I can do.  It changes things completely when we swing things around and place the service back in the right direction.  What I also realize is that I had been looking everywhere for a "Eureka" moment from God rather than being still and counting the blessings already around me that were so obvious.  I had been so preoccupied by asking Him for direction that I was ignoring His whispers already pointing me in the right direction.  

I freak out.  Why? Because I am human.  My friend tells me that when she is overworked about something her mom does not yell at her but simply tells her that it just means she's human.  I love that statement now because it helps ease the pressure off of being perfect.  It helps remind me that I am sinful and if I was not sinful I wouldn't even need Jesus.  If I was the perfect Christian and preached the Gospel all the time and did not mess up than what kind of example of Grace would I be?  How can God be strong in me if I am never weak? That has been encouraging the past few weeks and I hope it encourages you as well.  

I got a new devotional book and the first study is about Mary's quiet trust.  It directed me to Luke 1:46-55 which is her song and could humble anyone because if there's one person who trusted God and His plan fully, it was Mary.  

"My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in my Savior, for He has been mindful of the humble state of His servant.  From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me- holy is His name.  His mercy extends to those who fear Him, from generation to generation.  He has performed mighty deeds with His arm; He has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.  He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble.  He has filled the hungry with good things but he has sent the rich away empty. He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful to Abraham and his descendants forever, even as He said to our fathers." 

I have been straying and not trusting.  I've been worrying and unfaithful.  I've been human.




--- I saw Jon Acuff speak at a church here in Nashville and of course, it was one of those sermons where God was like, "Calm down I am going to speak to you through Him."  He talked about our dreams and figuring them out and how that looks from a Christian perspective.  What was even more awesome was that the worship band played the Mumford and Sons song, "Roll Away Your Stone" afterwards (WHAT?)  and of course I cried because 1) I am ridiculous and 2) I am working on emotional life in acting class... haha but heres both the video of that sermon and the lyrics to that song... I HIGHLY recommend both!!