I cannot tell you just how many days and nights I have sat in my bed wanting to type out all of the things floating around. I want to document the craziness that has been my life for the past few months and keep up with the amazing things God is doing but the more time passes the more I just think, "It's been too long now and nothing will make sense." However, I am finally throwing all of that away with a big "WHO CARES JUST DO IT NOW" mentality.
And what is "now" exactly? Well, in a few short weeks I will be flying to New York to find a place to live... what. Part of me cannot believe it is finally almost here and the other part of me feels like time could not move fast enough! I have dreamt of doing it for years yet as time moves closer I cannot help but already miss every little thing and person around me that I have come to know and love. I left work today almost in tears because I realized just how beautiful our little art community really is and how ridiculously lucky I have been to work so closely with the people that I do. The tears kept coming when I pulled into my driveway and saw my brothers and my best friends cars and I realized I was living the dream because I was living with them. Then, I got dressed and drove to an event where my other friend was having a jewelry show and realized how amazing it was that I got to be apart of it and witness her doing her thing. THEN I got home and my dad came over to fix my brothers door which only kept the waterworks coming because I realized that I was living right down the road from my parents and seeing them on a regular basis has been an incredible gift.
Why am I still leaving? I don't know, honestly, but I need to go.
I have such a love/hate relationship with change. On the one hand, I crave it and on the other I wish things could stay in "the good ole days" forever. But, how do I know these are the good ole days? These days are good, but I hope they keep getting better. I have these fears of when I grow older that I will never be as free as I am now. I may not be, but that does not mean I will not be happy. I may not be able to live with my brother ever again but that does not mean I will not continue to have a relationship with him and see him often, the same goes with my parents and my best friends. Nothing that changes has to be lost, it simply takes on a new look and hopefully for the better.
And what is "now" exactly? Well, in a few short weeks I will be flying to New York to find a place to live... what. Part of me cannot believe it is finally almost here and the other part of me feels like time could not move fast enough! I have dreamt of doing it for years yet as time moves closer I cannot help but already miss every little thing and person around me that I have come to know and love. I left work today almost in tears because I realized just how beautiful our little art community really is and how ridiculously lucky I have been to work so closely with the people that I do. The tears kept coming when I pulled into my driveway and saw my brothers and my best friends cars and I realized I was living the dream because I was living with them. Then, I got dressed and drove to an event where my other friend was having a jewelry show and realized how amazing it was that I got to be apart of it and witness her doing her thing. THEN I got home and my dad came over to fix my brothers door which only kept the waterworks coming because I realized that I was living right down the road from my parents and seeing them on a regular basis has been an incredible gift.
Why am I still leaving? I don't know, honestly, but I need to go.
I have such a love/hate relationship with change. On the one hand, I crave it and on the other I wish things could stay in "the good ole days" forever. But, how do I know these are the good ole days? These days are good, but I hope they keep getting better. I have these fears of when I grow older that I will never be as free as I am now. I may not be, but that does not mean I will not be happy. I may not be able to live with my brother ever again but that does not mean I will not continue to have a relationship with him and see him often, the same goes with my parents and my best friends. Nothing that changes has to be lost, it simply takes on a new look and hopefully for the better.
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