I do not the good

What is it with humans and our tendency to drift away? Well, of course, it is sin but I am sick of it. Just like Paul, I am sick of doing the things I hate and not doing the things I want to do! The quote that just popped in my mind is "The road to hell is paved with good intentions..." Wow what a stab to the gut. Don't we all have so called "good intentions" about a lot of the things we do or even don't do? I had every intention of waking up and devoting quality time to the Lord this morning but didn't get to it, oh well, my intentions were good! No, that is not how God works. Yes, He knows a man's heart but faith without actions is dead and we must repeatedly practice the things in which we believe we should be doing. We must deliver our time to the Lord, for after all He did create it.

This painting sat on my easel unfinished for months until I decided to play with it and had no idea it would turn out like this. It consists of newspaper and acrylic paint. After painting the background colors and deciding to leave it my mom came in and told me the newspaper underneath looked as if someone was hold he yellow in the middle and I thought it was beautiful!! It kind of reminds me of when the Holy Spirit came down on the people's heads... not quite but oh well I hope you get something out of this artwork.

P.S. Merry Christmas Eve =)

It seems that I just cannot go to sleep these past few nights and it's really starting to bother me. I read somewhere that you shouldn't do any busy work on your bed because it doesn't tell your mind to "go to sleep" once you lay in bed. I have been doing my homework on my bed and surfing the web on my laptop... could that be why I just can't close my eyes? hmm... much to think about..

here's a goofy sketchbook I did the other day. kind of made me want to wonder around =]

My Prayer of Peace

Lord of my being strip me of my pride

Let me only find pleasure in it's creator

Help me to see all through the eyes

Of whom brought all to be

Pull me off this mountain of self

That I so often climb

And lead me through the valley of Peace

Cleanse my mind of doubts and fears

Be my strength when all I am is weak

Push me to only gaze upon your wonder

For truth rests at your right hand

Beatles Balloons

Why, you're absolutely right!

I am a huge Beatles fan...

That Man from that Unknown Land

Who is it? ... I don't really know.

Why did I draw him? ... 'Cuz I wanted to ;]

Anticipation

There is something I must face tomorrow that until now I had pushed below the surface. It's funny how God reminds you of your need for Him in the smallest ways. Rather than asking for Him to just skip tomorrow and go ahead to the next day, I need Him to guide me peacefully through each step. I need Him to guard my thoughts, my words, my actions, and especially my feelings.

Enough about that...

In my art 3 class we have been asked to pick a concentration. At first, I was going to go with the usual "pretty trees" idea or something rather simple, but as I thought hard about what it was that I enjoyed and what is what that I wanted to be drawing for the next weeks I began to picture something different. I sat in my room and looked around at the different things hanging up such as a Mexican tribal mask, a hand made Peruvian rug, and other random items from various places around the world and it hit me; I am completely enamored with other cultures. I noticed that not everyone shared the passion for different languages and colors used in other countries or the clothing the women wore when they traveled from waterhole to village and realized that it was just that which I would depict in all my artwork that year. So, since then I have been trying to somehow tie in the wonderful colors of skin and clothing with the emotions and desires of people other than my own culture. I probably make no sense whatsoever and don't really even know why I have a blog other than to have a use for the addicting keyboard on my MacBook because it feels so nice = ]

You say I 

"forgot all of that so easily"

And how would you know?

You never even try to talk to me.

They said, "If he loves you he will fight 'till then end"

Well, Prince Caspian,

 that explains exactly where you've been. 

Just random happiness

Well it's been quite a while since I have posted anything! There is not a lot to say except that the Lord is AMAZING. This year has been wonderful and challenging in so many ways. I have been tested more than I ever thought and really felt what it means to just be straight up tired. I am constantly running but find myself cherishing those quiet and still moments listening to God even more. He has been so sweet to me this year and shown me so many things about myself. I cannot express how great the people in my life are either! I never thought it was possible to have such close friends in high school because well hey, let's face it, high school is high school... but I do! My favorite activity of the day is eating outside for lunch, and I know it may sound lame but it is absolutely positively AWESOME and makes my day especially when it's sunny. I have been enjoying my Art 3 class and wanted to show some of the sketch books/pieces I've been working on.... soon because i don't have them downloaded yet =)

I just got back from a tough movie called "My Sister's Keeper."  I don't really know what to say about it because on one hand it was amazing and on the other hand it was terribly sad but I think that's what the movie was supposed to make you feel.  Anyhow I got braces on my bottom teeth today and could really use a tylenol.  To be honest, I don't mind them that much I just don't want to have to deal with worrying about food getting stuck or cutting my lip or I don't even know.  They are clear so you can barely see them but it still is inconvenient and there are worse things in life than getting clear braces the summer of your senior year.  If that's one of the biggest problems I have right now then I must have it pretty good.  My cat, Baby, got her nails clipped today and thankfully she no longer leaves a beautiful mark on my skin whenever I want to hug her!  I know I am bias but I must say that Baby is the greatest and smartest cat in this entire world.  She is basically a dog and follows me around wherever I go.  She comes when I call her and sleeps in my bed every night snuggling with me whenever I finally fall asleep.  I wake up to her cuddled up to my shoulder or arm and it's the best thing ever! I am such a freak because I love my cat so much but I feel like she is my child.  I love the responsibility of taking care of her and feeding her and making sure she is comfortable sleeping which she probably has no clue since she is not human but I like to think she does.  We as humans thrive to be someone's hero.  There is something inside each and every one of us that wants to take care of someone else or help make someone else's life a little easier.  No matter how harsh someone has become there is still a slight hint of feelings left in us all and I am so fascinated with watching the way people handle each other.  I love people watching and love seeing relationships among any sort of people whether its friends, lovers or family.  We are so unique and can be so cruel yet so kind to one another.  One of my favorite things to watch are two people falling in love.  Yes, I am a romantic and possibly an idealist. But really, I am so thrilled with a couple showing love and expressing the way they feel about each other in the most subtle ways or not so subtle ways.  How magnificent is the human heart and it's abilities so feel such strong feelings to the point that it physically hurts?  The Lord truly blesses us with that ability to love and be loved and any one is foolish who says that the pain is not worth the pleasure of being in love.  

"To love and live beloved is the soul's paradise" -John Winthrop

Pep Squad

I finally joined the club and saw the musical known as "Wicked" last night and it was amazing!  Their voices and gifts are incredible and now I know why so many people are so obsessed with the show! My mom and I had a great time eating dinner downtown and then watching the show and I realized just how blessed I am to have such a healthy amazing family.  We definitely have our ups and downs and probably have experienced more than most of the suburban families I live among but when it comes down to it I can only smile and reflect on how strong we have become.  I think the Lord gives us family because He wants us to enjoy the beautiful coexistence and unity that He has with the Holy Spirit and Christ.  I was reading The Shack by WM. Paul Young and also saw this unity.  I can't believe there was such an uprising about this book and why so many people criticized it on being blasphemous since the author clearly wrote it as a fictional story and really was not trying to create such a ruckus.  While reading it I discovered how wonderful the existence of unity among the Trinity and how beautifully equal the three are. My view on how the trinity works was changed and not because I am now following the beliefs of Mr. Young but because I believe his image of how the Trinity works is quite possibly the most clarifying I have ever heard.  We are supposed to work like that and in a perfect world I know there would be beautiful peace among all of us because each one would not be higher than the rest but work together as a team.  I sound like a pep squad leader all the time I know but I don't really care because what I believe is that the only way to find this peace is by following the example set by the Trinity and discovering just how we were created to work before sin took over our lives.  

Splurge

So I must say that it has been quite a while since I last posted.  I've been... busy? If that is even how I should describe what has been going on.  One thing I know for sure is that being 17 comes with some baggage.  It's hard feeling things that are new and wanting things your parents might not want you to have .. yet, or seeing the world around you in a perspective that clarifies all you thought you knew when you were younger.  I was sharing with my mom that the places that once seemed like an enchanted forest filled with dancing fireflies and orchestras of creatures singing the beautiful song of nature now looks like an open field with a park bench.  I think that is part of the reason why children have such joy.  Because they refuse to see the reality of just a normal park bench.  What they see is much more delicate and magnificent then anything we could imagine now and I envy that gift they are given and hope that today's society with their fast moving pace doesn't strip the youth of that wonderful sense of innocence and imagination too soon.  Because that's what they will hope for when they are older.  They will want that fairy tale back and slightly remember a world where everything was better and everything was much more interesting than what they see now.  It's almost like they feel as if their childhood was a dream and they promise things were not this dull and once upon a time they were great but it's too far gone that it doesn't seem real.  I don't know what has come over me to express this but there's some "not so likely and who knows what I'm trying to say" bloggness for you.   

sketchbook pages

envy

Obama-nation

So today was Obama's inauguration.  What an amazing time in history!  I must say he has the prettiest daughters.  I can't believe they smiled the whole time!  I stayed home from school and got to watch the whole thing unfold on CNN- I couldn't believe how many people were there! Although I am not a politician and may not agree with a lot of the things that he supports I  do have the respect a citizen should have for their leader.  As Obama has become president I keep over hearing racial comments or complaints about him that really get under my skin.  Yes, it was rude of citizens to not clap for their former president Bush, but if one does not clap for Obama because others didn't clap for Bush aren't they committing the same fault? I don't know I just hate hearing people talk down about others.  On a lighter note, I saw the movie Slumdog Millionaire last night and it was amazing!  Once of the best movies I have seen in a while!  I am obsessed with India and countries like it though so I am bias but it really was a great movie.  

Going on spiritually: Lately I have avoided having my long quiet times with the Lord and cut them rather short just because I have been rushed or lazy.  I have realized that I am giving into Satan's temptations by doing so.  He wants us to think we are too lazy to talk to God or too busy to sit down for a few scripture readings.  Satan loves to make us waste time because then we are wasting time we could have been spending worshipping or praying.  I'm not saying that in order to talk to God you must be in complete solitary confinement all the time, but I am saying that we must remember God in everything we do and praise Him with our little tasks.  Don't let Satan make you believe that he can steal your time with God.  Quiet times are precious and essential in a believers daily walk with the Lord.  God will always make your day work according to His plan which includes talking to Him.

Save Me From Me

I went to the lake this weekend with my 2 friends and we basically watched the whole first season of Gossip Girl. It was great because I love that show now.  I know tons of people will disagree and make remarks about how its trash but personally I enjoy watching it and yes I am still a Christian.  When I got home I was in the biggest mood to paint and I found some oils and new gold paint so it HAD to go down.  I'll upload them when they are done drying but I was letting one dry in my bathroom and Baby (my kitten) decided to get a closer look and leaped up on the chair where my painting was and rubbed her tail in it! It was great and now she has a gold tail... Anyways I've been struggling with this problem today and its basically me annoying myself.  I know that sounds ridiculous or maybe you have experienced it too but it's a horrible thing.  I don't like it at all and I know it's the devil trying to steal my joy.  He seems to try that often ...  I have this quote that I am obsessed with and I want to paint a canvas of it soon but it says "Comparison is the thief of Joy".  I find myself comparing me to other people and what they are or have and it is the worst thing I could ever do!  Everyone is so different in the most unique ways and there is no way I could be JUST like the people I am comparing myself to and there is no way they can be anything like me!  We should be rejoicing every minute at how beautifully unique the Lord made us- just for his glory.  NO ONE can paint like me or talk like me or think like me and that is so comforting because in this huge world where every ones trying to catch up and be like everyone else... I don't have to worry about ME being stolen.  I can, however, get lost in the bundle of chaos and I definitely know that happens.  The worst feeling is when you don't know the person staring back at you.  I'm working on that right now.

Trust

Last night I went to an art gallery with a couple of my friends and it was really neat.  It was a house that a lady had turned into a place for local artists to show some of their stuff.  I was obsessed with the piece above by James Welch and kept going back to look at it.  When I went back once again there was a boy taking a photo of a man in front and I later found out that the man was James Welch who did those pieces!  After the gallery I went to eat at my FAVORITE sub shop ever ... Jimmy Johns and then ended up bowling from 10-12:30.  I can't tell you how tired I was by around the 8th game haha BUT when I did go home I got to watch some more episodes of 24 which is by far one of the greatest television shows.  I'm really feeling landlocked and want to go SOMEWHERE soon.  Hopefully spring break will come in a hurry.  My devotional this morning was all about trust and how we need to trust in the Lord during the quiet times so we will be stored up and ready to also trust in the hard times.  When I read some of the things I write I realize that what I say is what I really need to hear... and it's just so cool how comforting it is.  It's like God is using myself to get through to me.  Crazy I know but whatever!  Here's a verse I want to share that went with my devotion.  I hope someone somewhere needs to read it... or maybe I just needed to =)

"When I am afraid, I will trust in you.  In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust, I will not be afraid.  What can mortal man do to me?"Psalm 56:3-4

Authenticity

I went back to school today and it's so hard transitioning from Christmas break back into school.  I was excited about having Bible this semester though because I haven't had it yet.  Mrs. Moore's Bible class is unlike any other.  She tells it like it is and hates conformity.  I feel so refreshed when I leave her class because it gets me back in gear.  It reminds me how fallen our world is and how much everyone is trying to fit in.  We are meant to stand out and be different! God gave each one of us specific gifts for a reason and if we hide them to try and be like the next person we lose the chance to work together.  Before the fall there were no comparisons.  Adam and Eve were content with who they were in Christ and didn't have the desire to have the same talents as each other.  I bet Adam, Eve and God were the best team ever because they were perfect and balanced.  What the world doesn't understand is that not everyone is supposed to look "this way" or act "that way" because then the world becomes unbalanced and completely messed up!  Remain true to who you are and what gifts you have been given.  Christ created you by yourself.  If He wanted us all to be exactly alike He would have created us all at the same time for the same reasons.  

1 Peter 4:10 says,"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in it's various forms."

Be AUTHENTIC. Don't conform. Be yourself. Glorify Him.

A quote from Dr. Seuss:

Be who you are and say what you feel

Because those who mind don't matter

And those who matter don't mind

New Year

Yesterday at church my pastor gave the "new year" sermon all about fresh starts and etc.  At first I thought it was going to be the same thing about how we should just have a new resolution that no one ever keeps.  But then as he went on I began to realize how great it is that we have a whole new year in front of us.  Kind of like when we are born again in Christ.  You can tell we are just terrible and sinful people because look how many times we get to "start over" haha. But really, a whole new year and a whole new chance to be the person you always have wanted to be.  Be the friend, parent, sibling, student or leader you wished you could have been in the past.  I know I always worry about what others will think if I started acting the way I should towards them and not be so sarcastic or shut off because I don't think they will believe that I have changed.  But then I remember the people that have changed towards me in years past and I can't remember ever holding it against them or not believing the guenuinity of their new attitude towards me.  Don't be afraid to be a better person because no matter what it will be appreciated in the end.  The main thing I struggle with is having the same attitude and optimism all the time.  It's so easy to be happy and upbeat when things are going the way you want them to, but then so hard when things are all falling down on top of you.  When I find myself being the "debbie downer" or being negative I try to remind myself of what the Lord tells us in 2 John 1:8 which is  to "Watch yourselves, that you do not lose what we have accomplished, but that you may receive a full reward."  We all need to be reminded that our work here on earth is not in vain.  We will be rewarded in heaven and need not to worry about all the meaningless stabs we receive from the sinful natures of the people around us.  As long as we persevere and not let Satan get the best of us we can press on.  The Lord never leaves us and for that we should never feel alone, but we do because we are sinful.  Thank goodness we have God's grace to take care of us and our hypocritical lives!  In my opinion christians live under a magnifying glass 24/7.  Everyone wants to catch us messing up and having a bad day because then they feel much better.  That's why we can't claim to be perfect or act like we are so much better then the rest!  We are no better than the killers in the prison.  The only way we can reach others is by letting them see the power of God's grace in our sinful mistakes.  What a beautiful thing when He is perfected in our weaknesses and saves us everyday from ourselves.  The moment we put ourselves on a pedestal is the moment we lose the ability to reach anyone.  To be able to show Christ's true love we must follow in His footsteps and become a humble servant.  Of course we will fail many times but it's the process of taking up the cross daily that will get us closer to our Father in heaven.  I am not by any means a pastor or Biblical authority.  I am simply a high school student typing what I feel the Lord is trying to tell me.

Fresh Start

I was discovering old journals all over my room and wanted to laugh at just how many I had.  I got a new computer for Christmas and realized how much easier and convenient it would be to start a journal/blog on here!  It never occurred to me how much I enjoy journals and reading through them later-  I especially like reading my old prayer journals and seeing how God has worked throughout my life.  Some of my prayers are ridiculous and selfish but the way He answers them are amazing.  No matter what the circumstance He always comes through and takes care of me better than I could have imagined.  I forget how in control the Lord is and find myself doubting His plans, I'm sure we all fall into that trap, but looking back on it I can see just how omnipotent He is.  I've attended a small Christian school since I was in the 3rd grade and growing up in that environment caused me to become numb to not only some of the teachings in the Bible but also the key verses.  Since I had memory verses and needed to know things for tests and quizzes, the Bible became more of a textbook than a guide for life.  I never realized that I had fallen into this until the beginning of my sophomore year.  After falling so low my freshman year, God brought me back up stronger than ever and now I thank Him everyday for making me go through those dark times.  At the start of my sophomore year I realized that I was living for nothing.  I didn't like the who I had become and wanted something more so I looked around me and tried to get away from the things that were bringing me down.  To begin with, I didn't believe my friendships with those people were what they were supposed to be, so I decided to break away to find whatever it was I was looking for. Do you ever have the feeling that everything in your life is a fraud? Or you just DON'T fit in with the people around you?  I had that exact feeling and couldn't shake it... no matter how hard I tried to push it aside.  It's like God was pulling me away from everything I knew and trying to show me something else... Although I had to go through a lot of it alone, I did have one friend who was in the same place as myself.  I am still amazed that the Lord blessed me with such a friendship as hers!  We spent a lot of that year just the two of us but I would have chosen that over hanging out with a bunch of people who could have cared less that I was there any day! It's incredible at how many positive doors opened after I closed a few negative ones.-The Lord ALWAYS takes care of us- It was the first time that I had completely surrendered everything to Him and let myself be His clay.  I began to change.  My wants and love began to change into His wants and love and it's the greatest transformation to ever be apart of.  I am no where near perfect or completed in Him and never will be but I am slowly growing stronger according to His will.  It's amazing the difference between His love and our lowly self-centered love.  Though we will never be able to truly experience what His love is like until we are completed in heaven, to be able to have the slightest bit of it can change our whole outlook on life.  Once we begin to try and see things the way He sees them, everything begins to look more beautiful than before.  I find myself enjoying people who before would just annoy me because now I have a glimpse of what they look like through Christ's eyes and to Him they are a perfect masterpiece.  The greatest thing about being the Lord's child is that there is no pressure to be perfect.  I am a filthy uncontrollable sinner but because of God's grace, I am saved and therefore don't have to lash myself every time I do something wrong. Thank the Lord I am not in control!