God's plan is GOOD

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first  the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:25-34

I came home for Fall Break and forgot how out of sight out of mind I am sometimes.  So many things happened here. The majority of my entire life revolved around a few miles here. Isn't that crazy to think about?  "Cassidy" has been built through experiences in Memphis, Tennessee.  I learned so much here and most of the time I had to learn the hard way. I went this one Chickfila every single morning for years before school. I drove down this one street more times than I can count. I had my first kiss, first love and first heart break all right here.  I experienced loss and celebrated birth here.  I laughed so hard that I cried and cried so hard that I felt sick.   I met my best friends here and have spent hours upon hours talking right in their rooms down the street.  Jesus called out my name one night right in the middle of my bedroom floor here and showed me how to follow Him.  

So many good things happened while growing up in Memphis and yet I do not feel like myself when I am here. 

When I moved to Nashville, life was weird. I moved away from everything into a world that did not know who I was and therefore I had to just be me.  I don't even think I really knew who that was because I had always been around people who had known me forever and so I did not have to remind them.  However, I realized once I got to college that I had not actually been able to be me for a long time because back home I was almost forced to remain who I had been for so long because that's all everyone knew.  A lot happens as you're growing up and people change incredibly, especially when the Lord works in your life.  I had changed immensely but was not really able to be free in it until I was surrounded by people who had not known me my whole life. 

It isn't even that I was some hooligan that everyone thought was crazy, in fact quite the opposite.  But, for whatever reason, I felt trapped.  

I am the type of person that enjoys change and finds excitement in new adventures, so of course I was more than ready for a change of scenery once graduation came.  I packed up my things and headed off into an unknown world of many different types of people.  It's as if I left all the baggage I had been carrying around here at the doorstep and started fresh.  

I get caught up in the dark places of my life when I come home. I do not really experience that in Nashville because I have not spent enough time there to go through as much as I did here.  I forget about the good things going on when I focus on the bad and forget to count my blessings over the crap.  It's a terrible trap!  Jesus did not leave me when I crossed the city line and I need to quit acting like He did.  I take steps back into the stages of life that happened here and have a hard time bringing the present into my thoughts about the past.  Does that make any sense? It's like thinking about only the good things that happened in an old relationship without acknowledging the terrible things that caused you two to break up.  When you think only about the good things, you want to get back together but you shouldn't because the bad outweighed the good and therefore it'd be a terrible decision.  You block the bad out until someone reminds you or you try it out again and remember why it was you broke up in the first place.  You forget all the things that are happening right now and the good things that led you to this new place of peace because you go back into the dark place of unrest.  I think Satan knows how to bring me into that place and trick me there.  He wants me to forget all that God is doing and has done by reminding me of dark things in the past.

I am a great "blocker outer" and my friends laugh at me for it all the time.  If you do not have friends who slap you into reality when you need it, I recommend getting some immediately. They keep me sane.  For example, Chandler reminded my today how easy it is to miss and be reminiscent of the past because we know how it ends.  We have a sense of control over it and therefore do not have to "risk anything."  She said that it is the future which causes us to wait for God and that scares us because we have no idea what's coming next.  TRUTH.  

I can read Jeremiah 29:11 a million times but it's not until I am forced to accept I have no control that I have to trust in God's plan for my life.  It is when my attempts at planning my next step or attempts at forcing what  think should happen that God reminds me He is the only one who actually knows what's going to happen and it is good because I love Him.  I had to seriously take a step back today and ask myself if I REALLY believed that God works for the good of those who love Him? 

Do I REALLY trust that God has a plan for me?  That it is good?

Obviously not all the time or else I would not have panic attacks over little things like what I should major in.  God has me in His hands! He see's the WHOLE picture and He knows I don't.  Trust is accepting that and believing in His goodness!  Man, that's a hard thing to do and something that doesn't come naturally but takes constant practice because I think our default is self-sufficiency.  I'd prefer getting my world rocked every second to remind myself of how out of control I am than having it easy and not needing God in every area of my life.  Are you not sure of what to do next?  Count it as a blessing because you have nothing else to do but TRUST, and that's exactly where we should be.  

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11