What makes you tick?

Passion: An intense desire or enthusiasm for something. It's amazing what passion does to people.  In the beginning of my life here in Nashville I felt a sense of "off-ness" and I could not put my finger on it.  I was majoring in what I thought I wanted to major in and going throughout the daily tasks of getting acquainted with my new surroundings.  I could not understand why I did not completely feel at home yet and tried different things to see if they fit, even convince my self that my best friend was the missing link and if she went here, then I would be happy.  Crazy thoughts people, craziness! I remember times where I laid in my bed, tears rolling down my face and crying out to God for immediate response.  It was in these times that I was my weakest and although I did not "enjoy" them, I treasured them because God was my strength.  Cliché but really I had never felt more dependent on Him than in those lonely moments of despair.  I had never called out and wanted such salvation from everything than in those times and looking back, I grew quite a lot. He instilled a sense of security in me that came with the hardships.  It's like I began to expect them and knew my only comfort was God so I was open to the loneliness. I began to get comfortable with the uncomfortable and God simply carried me and is still carrying me through life.  The only picture I can see in my mind that resembles what I am trying to say is a strong prince charming carrying his weak and battered princess through the thorns.  There is a NeedtoBreathe song that played in my head every time I felt weak and the lyrics brought me to tears because I could just hear the "cry of my lover" calling to me and pictured God's huge strong arms wrapping around me and holding me tighter than any human grasp could do.  I picture myself bawling and running as fast as I can to the open embrace of my Father and having no insecurities but saying to the world, "take your shot... I won't turn back."  If you close your eyes you can just imagine the romantic love He shares for us and before I never thought of God romantically, but nothing sends more chills down my spine than knowing that He is the bridegroom and loves me as His bride.  As a girl I can easily understand the excitement of a wedding. The whole idea of a husband and having someone love me for the rest of my life just excites every fiber of my being! And the thought of a man taking care of me and wanting to live with ME and put up with ME for the rest of HIS life is just baffling! -so to think of God as my husband and being the creator of the universe's bride is nothing short of amazing. How do men perceive it? I'd like to know and am sure it's just as wonderful to think about.

Anyways, to go with my first sentence in this post... God has revealed a passion inside of me that has changed everything around me.  Its like I had to go through all these things to find what my heart really desired and what I was really meant to do.  I had to dig through my heart and become so vulnerable at times to weed out the false desires and the things I "thought" were the missing puzzle pieces.  As my heart was emptying, a light bulb turned on.  God brought me down to the "heart" of the matter and basically said, "Look kid, here's what you're good at and you love it... so go make your daddy proud and don't let anyone stop you."  I have never been more determined about succeeding in anything and ever since this realization, the world around me "was beautiful once again."  Not that it was ever not beautiful, but I was able to enjoy it again and feel a sense of pride.  I smelt the roses once more and have fallen all the more in love with where I am.  This may not make any sense to you, but I think that if you haven't already... you should find what it is you are passionate about.   It is when we are passionate that things make sense and life means something more.  It is when we are passionate that anything seems possible.  It is with passion that Christ died on that cross.  What is life without passion? A waste!  Whether it be for something or someone, I urge you to be passionate.

"Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping... waiting... and though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace... but we would be hollow... Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead." -Joss Whedon